


7 Important Letters Out Of 35

by emsssss



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Heartbreak, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-04 18:25:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emsssss/pseuds/emsssss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arya left Gendry on the Sunday morning in his bed, he's going insane. He wrote her 35 letters and out of those 35 letters were 7 important ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! this is my first fanfic so bare with me if it's shitty. I ship Arya and Gendry to the point where it's unhealthy. Please give feedback~~~

Dear Arya,

 

It's been four months since you've left. I'm going crazy, not knowing where you are, I've must of sent you over a hundred text messages and voice mails. Why won't you answer? Or atleast text back saying you're okay. You won't even call Sansa, she's so worried. The last time you left it was chaos and it is again. I'm worried, i know you would say not to worry about you because according to you, you can look after yourself. But you probably don't give a damn whether we're worried or not, you never gave a damn.

The reason why I'm writing to you this letter is because it feels like I'm talking to you somehow, I'm not going to send these because no one knows where the seven bloody hells where you are.

I need to know something Arya, why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone in my bed on a Sunday morning with a note on the pillow saying 'I'm sorry' in your messy writing. I woke up expecting you to be in my arms, looking at the girl that I've been in love with for the past fucking year but never had the balls to act or tell you my feelings till that night. I didn't drink that night at Hot Pie's neither did you so both of us can not say that night was because we were drunk off our faces, it was real that night. When we pulled up at night after at mine just sitting in the driveway after watching Hot Pie drink himself to death complaining of girls, the street light hit you and you looked so fucking beautiful Arya.I couldn't stop looking at you. It must of been 2.30 in the morning, you were smoking that cigarette and you looked at me with that damn cancer stick hanging out of your mouth and smirking and you said to me "What are you looking at stupid?" In that moment I finally got the balls to do what I wanted to do for the past year, I leaned over and took that cigarette out of mouth much to your dismay and before you could protest or hit me I cupped your face and kissed you. I finally fucking kissed after a year of wanting you. You kissed me back as well and the kissing didnt just stop there. I felt the butterflies, I heard the fireworks, I heard the god damn fucking orchestra in that one kiss. 

But the thing is, when I kissed you I felt at home, I always thought that I would never find a place that I could call home. But Arya, home isn't a place, it's a feeling and whenever I'm with you or near you I feel at home, Arya Stark you are home. Gods I sound like a fucking pansy. But it's true.

When I learned and felt every curve of you, every scar, your skin you are perfect Arya. I never felt so alive. I felt like I was the luckiest lad in the world, Because for that night I had you and I thought from then that every single day I would always have you, but I was wrong. In trade of you having me you just took my heart and left only leaving a note. 

That night I whispered in your ear saying that I loved you, you never replied.

-Always yours Gendry


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shitty chapter im sorry but here

Dear Arya

 

I thought I saw you today and my heart stopped beating and my throat went dry. I thought the Gods had answered my prayers, but it wasn't you. The girl had brown doe eyes not grey,her features weren't like yours and her hair wasn't the same shade, also she was wearing a skirt and high heeled shoes. The girl came to get her car fixed, she was flirtatious but I couldn't talk she accepted my stony silence and ignored me the rest of the time, I think her name was Jeyne? Seeing her made me go mad because I wanted it so badly to be you. You know what Arya, you're stupid so fucking stupid and you're making me go mad because you're stupid. I want to hate you for leaving but I can't, you're invading my thoughts 24/7, you're the first thing i think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. You shouldn't of left, you could of stopped that night from happening so I knew where it stood and maybe I could of lived with that because you'd still be in my life you fucking idiot. Why couldn't I fall in love with someone else? Why did I have to fall in love with the girl who wasn't scared of anything, the girl who wasn't scared to get into fights, the girl with the bloody knuckles, the girl who's wild dark hair was always a mess with eyes like a storm? Tell me why, tell me why it fucking had to be you? If I never had met you my whole life would of been fucking fine, working in that car repair shop maybe even meeting a pretty girl who was the exact opposite of you and learning to love her, but no. My heart belongs to you, Arya fucking Stark. I need you so much that I feel fucking pathetic, even hearing your voice saying my name would be a small constellation instead of seeing you. Everyone looks at me with pity, they know you left me and all that can see in me is a broken hearted boy who is in love with someone who doesn't love them back and I don't want them to look at me like that, I want to scream and shout, hit things and break shit because I'm going so fucking mad. It's been 18 fucking months without a word from you. I don't want to think about you being with another boy because it makes me want to vomit and tear my hair out, having him kiss you, your hands in his hair, his arms around your waist, touching you makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. I can't stand the thought of it but it's in the back of my mind. There's so many thoughts going through my head Arya. 

I want to know how you are, everyone does. I wish I wasn't in love with you because it's making me mental. Hot Pie says you're not coming back because it's almost been 2 years and to move on, I want to but I can't how can I move on when I love you so fucking much. I want it to be you that I spend the rest of my days with, I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up every morning and the last thing I see before I go to bed every night. I want you to wear my shirts. I want to always hold you and tease you and kiss you and make you mad.

I want you to love me, please come back.

-Always yours, Gendry


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new chapter holla  
> hope you all had a fabulous christmas or fabulous celebrating festive  
> i just finished the divergent series and i haven't cried so badly since the red wedding, tobias and tris cry i cry oh my cry  
> second fave otp

Dear Arya

I'm trying not to be angry, i'm trying not to be sad either. All my letters so far have been either angry or sad and it makes me look pathetic. I'm trying to focus on the good things and trying to find distractions, I guess i'm trying to say is that I want to move on because i'm tired of being like this, some days i'm okay and thinking of you doesn't hurt if there's a lot of distractions but other days when I think of you I lose myself I want to cry and yell and smash things that remind me of you just to make the memory of you fade. I don't want to be like this anymore, and to not be like this anymore I should try to move on. I can't put my entire life on hold just to wait for you to come back. I'm still going to write these letters when I feel like I need to talk to you, even though you won't be but you know what I mean and I know what I mean when I say that. I still love you, but I need to try to be okay again I hope you understand that. This isn't the end to how I feel about you, it's far from it but I'm going to try be okay again. I need to be able to not have sleepless nights, to not feel like my heart is breaking whenever someone mentions your name, to not have memories of us, well not us because we were never like that, me and you where ever I go, to not try to see you in every girl I see. 

 

Today I feel okay you know the thought of you isn't suffocating me like it does other days, I've been finding stuff to help me. I work a lot in the Tobho's car repair work coming in the early hours and leaving late in the evening to have something to fix when I can't fix myself. Bronn keeps trying to convince me to go out with him, says he'll find me a real woman. I don't think Bronn knows that I don't fancy prostitutes or strippers. But he's good fun even though I want to punch him in the face half the the time. There's a new kid working here as well, Podrick Payne I think he's called? Absolutely useless when you try to have a conversation with him always stuttering and mumbling can't speak a word, you would of got a kick out of him trying to scare the shit out of him I bet. I've been reading as well, it takes me out of this world and into another, it's like i'm living a different life and it's nice to be away from reality for awhile. I wish i was able to write like those authors Arya, it's something, maybe one day I might try and my name will be in every book store, number one best seller. I could be finally be something, wouldn't that be funny.  
I want to learn an instrument aswell, maybe guitar or drums. Hell I might even go back to school so I can graduate. All these things take you off my mind, but when there's nothing left to fix, no more books to read, no more that I can do, the thought of you invades my mind and it hurts. 

Anyway, I don't want to talk about me and how I feel anymore. 

I got coffee with Sansa a couple of weeks ago, oh yeah me and Sansa catch up a lot you know to see how each other is, nothing more like you once accused a long time ago. She's not okay, she looks so much older. When I first met Sansa, she was radiating and beautiful so full of life but now she doesn't have the same glow she's still beautiful but she looks tired and defeated, she has bags under her eyes and looks skinnier. She was once the girl who thought life was a song but now it's like the weight of the world is on her shoulders and she can't get it off. You leaving, the death of your parents and Robb, the golden prick bastard child Joffrey and the hell he put her through has taken a toll on her and has aged her. You never told me the whole story of her and the bastard child, but she told me and nothing made me feel more sick than I already felt. I knew about the beatings, but never about the baby and what he did. But she's strong, she got through it and she's getting through this. She told me not to be angry at you because there's a lot that I don't know about you, what are you hiding Arya? I thought I knew you best. Jon's coming back home soon, no one wants to tell him that you've left they don't know how to break it to him. Him and Sansa are finally acting like siblings after all these years according to Sansa which is good because she treated him like shit for most of his life. Apparently Rickon is being a little shit, he's uncontrollable acting like a wildling, starting fights at school, vandalizing school property, vandalizing any property, the latest thing he's done was going into the sound system room above the auditorium of the school for where they hold assembly's and meeting once a week and somehow got onto the big projector screen put porn on, causing the school into a giant fit of laughter, plus getting all the speakers around the school to have the moaning and the speaking of that porn film. Apparently he did something to it to make sure no one could turn it off, completely hilarious but obviously the teachers did not think so. He's a genius you know, he's smart for knowing how to somehow lock it all. Jon's offered to take him to The Wall for the winter holidays to try straighten him out which is just cruel taking him in the winter he will crack and die. I know Sansa thought it was funny because she was trying not to laugh the whole time telling that story. Bran's well, Bran's how he was before you left. Not there, completely oblivious to the world after Meera left him. It's like he's a zombie, he doesn't leave his room a lot. Sansa sometimes hears him sobbing in the middle of the night. Bran was already broken, but Meera broke his heart. Cheating on him, I never thought she would do that, Meera was always so nice and hopelessly in love with Bran but obviously not when she cheated multiple times. He won't let Jojen see him, Jojen knew about Meera cheating but never told him and feels betrayed because Jojens his best friend and best friends are suppose to tell each other everything, sound familiar Ayra? They miss you a lot, you were their rock always keeping their mind off things, I don't think you understand that they need you. All of you have lost so much that you need each other. Hot Pie and Lommy that miss you too, they miss the Friday nights where we all use to get wasted as fuck and go on drunken adventures and wake up in the morning with deadly hang overs and scrapes and bruises or in Lommys case two missing teeth, a split lip and a black eye. We don't do that anymore because it doesn't feel right without you. I'm missing one of my favorite t-shirts and I can't find it anywhere, I like to think in your hurry to leave my apartment on that Sunday morning you took it. -Yours always, Gendry


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapchap  
> also if you guys have tumblrs you should leave your urls so i can follow u and we can eventually be really good amigos bc I NEED MORE FRIENDS WHO LOVE GOT mines http://und3sirable.tumblr.com/

Dear Arya

 

Today was well eventful, Jon came home and well payed me a visit after a couple of years.. 

I'll start from the start. I woke due to this slamming like knocking on my door, I looked to my alarm clock and it 9.00 am and it was a Saturday I did not want to get up so I lay in bed still trying to go back to sleep but the knocking wouldn't stop so I got up. I opened the front door and before I knew someone had punched me straight in the face, blood started pouring out of my nose and it hurt like a bitch and I looked up and there standing before was the one and only Jon Snow I uttered a "What the fuck did you do that for" and he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against the wall making me unable to breathe very well. He looked pissed as fuck and he yelled at me "YOU'RE FUCKING MY LITTLE SISTER??!" by this point I was scared as hell, "C--can't breathe Jon" I tried saying he let go of me and looked at me again saying "Seriously what the fuck" I rubbed my throat and asked him to come to the kitchen which he glared at me, I see now where you get your glaring from. He told me that Sansa had told him that Arya left and no one knew where she was and he had asked where she last was and she told him that she was at mine and what had happened. He wanted me to explain everything from the start of how I ended up fucking his little sister since I was his friend first. He told me I had no right to be doing that with you and that you weren't a plaything by this point I was getting mad he was making it sound like I was using you and he kept using the word fucking instead of sex and in the end i yelled "I LOVE HER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I'M NOT FUCKING HER I HAD SEX WITH HER BUT STOP PUTTING IT LIKE THAT" and he looked quite shocked and he said "you what her" and he asked since when did I love you and how it happened and I told him. After him, Sam, Pyp and Grenn left I didn't really had anyone left and by this point I had already met you a few times when I went to your place and you always bet the living shit out of me in video games and fighting so when school started back up and I had to repeat the year since I didn't have enough credits to pass onto my final year and I saw you sitting under a tree by yourself reading and I thought that since you had no one and I had no one that we could become friends so I came over and sat by you and asked if I could hang out with you and you looked at me and asked "Don't you have friends your own age?" and I said no and we began hanging out since then, and it was possibly one of the weirdest friendships I've ever had, you were so stubborn but so was I so there was a lot of disagreements and arguments and fights. But it was one of those friendships that made my life so much better. We began hanging out after school, during the weekends soon we were spending all our free time together, you brought Lommy and Hot Pie into our little group. Then I slowly noticed you abit more, you weren't Jon Snow's little sister who took pity on me and let me hung out with you, you were Arya, Arya the girl who was probably the most stubbornest girl in the whole of Kings Landing. You began telling me about your life, your secrets and the few fears you had. When I first noticed that I begun liking you was when we would hang out and you would invite Lommy and Hot Pie to hang as well that's when I would get jealous because I wanted to spend time with you alone and have you to myself and that really scared the shit out of me because it was you and you're mental. I started noticing you more, your look, you weren't the most beautiful girl in the world but there was something about you that just drew me to you, how you are, you're captivating. Then all of a sudden boys started noticing you a bit more, the boys who had called you ugly, Horse Face or Arya Underfoot suddenly found you pretty and I didn't like that, I really didn't. When we went to parties and they would stare with their mouths on the ground their eyes roaming your body and face, you were memorizing when you turned 17. My crush on you was killing me each day, I wanted to tell you but I was scared that you would either laugh at me and tell me not to be stupid reject me or punch me for being stupid or all of the above so I kept it to myself, but Hot Pie and Lommy knew even though I never told them at all they just knew they told me it was obvious which I sure bloody hoped it wasn't, they teased me constantly for it. Then one day when it was just us and we were outside at the park talking and laughing and you looked up at me and smiled and I realized that I loved you and it scared the shit out of me because having a crush on you was bad enough but being in love with you was really fucking bad because from then I was screwed, I would do whatever you asked me to do no matter how crazy it was if you asked me to jump I would ask how high. I guess I was kinda a fool for you because I could never be your knight in shining armor. 

I told him all this.

After I told him he was quite for abit and looked at me and said "In all honesty I thought you would've of gone for Sansa and I still want to punch you" I laughed and so did he. Then I asked him if he wanted a drink and he said "Yes and you can make me lunch while you're at it." So being the doormat I am I did, I asked him about his life and he's doing really well he's happy, he's with a girl called Ygritte and she's Scottish and apparently the most adventurous and stubbornest girl he's ever met just like you. I asked if he is in love with her and he replied with the grossest thing I have heard he said "Well I still want her even after I cum." I spat my coffee everywhere because this is coming from Jon and Jon is not vulgar but gods that was something, The Wall has made Jon into something else. He asked after a while why you left and I told him that if I knew I would tell him. 

He left my place a little while saying as he walked out the door "I still can't believe you fucked my little sister."

So Arya, that was my day thinking that your brother was going to murder me and hide my body in the backyard at any moment turned out to be a nice reminiscing pouring my heart while breaking it in the process day. 

Do you remember when I called you M'lady and you split my lip for saying it? That's the day I realized that you were completely fucking mental and I couldn't careless because you were Arya, the girl who can split my lip and I'd still want to love her anyway.

-Yours always, Gendry


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 more chapters till this is over ;'(  
> I haven't read over this bc I can't be bothered  
> but more importantly  
> THE TRAILER FOR SEASON 4 IS OUT HOLY MOTHER FUCKER OH MY GOD  
> I CAN SMELL SEASON 4   
> p.s i have no idea what Willow looks like so sorry if it aint right  
> toodles

Dear Arya

 

It's been awhile since I've written to you, 6 months it's been since I last wrote. I need to feel as if I'm talking to you again, it's sort of like this safe haven for me now with this writing even when I'm upset because it almost puts my mind at ease that I'm putting my feelings out instead of bottling them up. I miss you a lot, I miss you so much. But the thought of you isn't suffocating me anymore, I can function again, I can look back at the memories of you and I don't feel this tightness pulling across my chest and my eyes filling with tears and this choking feeling in my throat. I can look back at these memories and smile or laugh or cringe because no matter how bad they are, you're in those memories with me when it was a better time for me and you. Maybe this is me finally getting over you leaving and if truth be told I'm welcoming this feeling with open arms. It's taken almost 2 and a half years to get over you leaving not over you exactly but you leaving to go to wherever the fuck you are, which is a long time. I wonder how you are now, I wonder if you're happy wherever you are or if you're miserable, I hope you're happy though I really do because all I wanted was for you to be happy. 

The reason why I haven't wrote in so long is because I started seeing someone...

Her name was Willow Heedle, I dated her for 6 months which is why I never wrote to you. She helped distract me from thinking of you, she has the biggest smile and long curly dirty blonde hair and was always happy. She was the exact opposite of you, she liked tea in the morning, watching horrible reality shows, hated horror movies, her shoulders were sun kissed with freckles, refused to eat junk food and couldn't handle her alcohol well after 2 drinks and she would be gone. But she really liked me, she made me feel special and she relied on me and always wanted me to be around. It was nice having someone wanting me so much because that's all I wanted from you, for you to want me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad Arya, okay maybe a little guilt but still can you blame me? Hot Pie and Lommy didn't like her too much because she didn't like getting dirty and going out on drunken adventures and couldn't handle insults or sarcasm and she thought they were "assholes who will never ever get laid in their 9 lives" as she said to me as we walked back from their apartment one night. Also Willow had a big thing for cats, it was kind of cute but weird and obsessive.

I met Willow in a club, I was third wheeling with Sansa and Podrick. Do not ask how in the world Podrick managed to get Sansa because I don't have a fucking clue how since that kid can't speak two sentences without mumbling or stuttering and going bright red, in all honesty I think he either sold his soul to Satan or he's really really good at sex and I think selling his soul to Satan is most likely. Anyway they went off dancing and left me standing at the bar drinking a pint of beer moodily and watching the flashing lights and everyone dancing, their were drunk people everywhere, sweating and grinding on one another. I wanted to leave but I came with Sansa and Soul Seller in their car and I didn't exactly want to walk 2 hours to get back home. As I was downing the pint I hear this little cheery voice "Hello" I hear her say, I turn around and next to me smiling widely was this girl holding an umbrella drink. I said a gruff hello back and she told me that I looked lonely and thought I could use some company and after that she would not stop talking and asking me questions and getting me to talk. At first I wanted to get far away as possible from this girl but then she was quite entertaining and it was better than sulking at the bar and possibly looking like a serial killer glaring at everyone. After a while I did start talking to her properly instead of just saying yes, no or I don't know and she was good fun. I laughed so much that night and felt good, I haven't felt that way in a while. After a hour or 2 she told me she had to go and I actually asked her to stay a bit longer, she smiled at me and grabbed a napkin and grabbed a pen out of her bag, scribbling her number and name on the napkin "If you want to talk more you can ring me up and ask me out sometime Gendry." and left. The way she said my name was different from you saying it, so much more softly and kind and it made me feel something. 2 weeks later I called her up and asked her to get lunch with me. 5 weeks later I asked her to be my girl friend. 3 months later I asked her to move in with me. Our relationship was moving fast, it was nice though but some days I noticed that I kept wanting Willow to be you. We fucked a lot and we didn't have much in common and a lot of the time we ran out of things to talk about and sometimes her voice drived me insane.

Willow left last week, ending things between us. 

I woke up and noticed that she wasn't in bed. I got up and went to the kitchen and I saw her there, cupping her mug of tea with and looking at it, her long curly dirty brown in a bun and tendrils framing her face, she looked so tired and drained she looked up at me when she heard my noisy footsteps and smiled a tried smiled and said morning to me, I walked to her and kissed her forehead mumbling a good morning and noticed her suitcases by her feet, I felt a bit sad by more surprised wondering what has happened to make her leave and the conversation me and her had I will never forget.

"Why?" I asked, looking at her.  
She sighed and tried to offer another smile but couldn't and looked at her tea refusing to look at me, "Gendry this has been coming a long time and you know it"  
"No." I say stubbornly, "I thought you were happy, weren't we happy?"   
She looks up at me and a sad look passes over her face, "No and you weren't happy either don't lie to me please.", she looks around the kitchen and looks down back at her tea "I wanted you to love me and I wanted to love you but how can I love you when you're not whole and how can you love me when you look at me as if you're trying to see someone else. I wanted this to be able to work but it can't we're different too different that we can't be compatible in any way and it can't work when you're too hung up on somebody else. I thought maybe if we moved in together and spent every day together you would forget this girl that you write letters to and almost moan her name out loud when we're fucking but it didn't work and I just can't do this anymore, I'm tired Gendry, I'm so tired." she says softly looking me straight in the eyes. My throat goes dry, she read the letters, she found them and read them.   
"I'm sorry." I utter sitting down not knowing what else I can say.  
Willow gets up and pours her tea down the sink, she walks over to me "So am I, I hope one day you'll be whole again Gendry." she says leaning down to kiss my forehead then grabs her bags and walks out of the door and I'm left there sitting at the table wondering what the fuck just happened.

Willow deserved more from me and she deserved better than me. 

Even when I didn't write to you, you still managed to weasel your way in. But I'm happy she's gone now, she can find someone who is whole and can love her.

I hope one day I am whole again without my heart that you have and I hope one day you call telling me that you're coming home.

I love you asshole.

-Yours always, Gendry.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Arya

It's 4 am and it's your birthday today, today you've turned 20. M'lady is a grown up now and a woman. You never wanted to grow up, you always wanted to be a kid forever, being reckless and the consequence of whatever you did never bothered you because you could always fix whatever you've done and if you couldn't someone else could. You reminded me of the girl version of Peter Pan, never growing up, pitying those who did, never wanting to leave Neverland were Lommy, Hot Pie and I your Lost Boys? Or was I most likely Wendy, one who didn't want to grow but had too. But what reminded me most of you being like Peter Pan was you never being afraid of dying, looking upon it as an adventure. I once asked you why you were never afraid of dying and you said "You just say to Death not today" I never understood it and probably never would. I can't sleep Arya, memories of us keep playing in my head of us, it's certain memories as well ones were you made my heart race and breathing hitch and the ones where I witnessed your walls crumbling down around you. Maybe these memories keep playing my mind because it's your birthday and today is about you or because they're jut playing. No matter how hard I try to think of something else, I can't so I thought maybe if I write they may go away and let me sleep. So I'll tell you the memories that keep repeating.

 

One of them was when it was the hottest day in all of the Summers that has been in all the years that I can remember. It was just me and you in your house alone lounging around in your room listening to Jack Johnson, not doing anything but still working up a sweat, it was too hot to do anything, you had a wet flannel draped across your face, I had my shirt off lying on the ground with a mini fan next to me offering me little relief from the heat. "Gendry" you say, your voice muffled under the flannel.  
"What" I ask, even speaking was too much of an effort.  
"I don't know if the heat has made us stupider or we are really just really stupid in general but we forgot that there's a pool in the backyard.." you say slowly. I sit up and look at you on the bed, you took the cloth off your face and held it.  
"How did you forget you have a fucking pool in the backyard." I ask.  
"I blame you." you says stubbornly rolling to the side of your bed.  
"This is your house Arya!" I yell.  
"You've been here enough times to know you stupid bull, why are you shirtless?" you question staring at me, her eyes trailing up and down my chest.  
"Because it's boiling, like what you see?" I wiggle my eyebrows at you, you scowl at me.  
"No, I'd rather see Mr. Jaquen H'ghar shirtless, you know that new foreign who teaches the different languages? Actually I think I'd like to see him as more than shirtless." you say with a dreamy look on your face, I curl my hands into fists as you continue to talk of him and what you think of him. He's weird looking anyway and he looks scrawny and his hair is ridiculous and his stupid accent he's stupid I think angrily.  
"Anyway since you are so in love with Mr. I'm Probably A Serial Killer With My Stupid Hair and Accent you're forgetting that we could be swimming in a pool of cold water instead of swimming in our sweat." I tell you rolling my eyes and standing up.  
"Jealous are you?" you smirk.  
"No." I lie "I'd kill to see Dany Targaryen naked Gods now she's something."  
"She's insane and tried to burn down the whole science block."  
"So she's still hot."  
"Ugh she's insane and dates a fucking 30 year old who is a leader of a gang. Get out so I can get changed, you're so stupid anyway she'd never give you the time of day." you huff throwing pillows at me, now this was funny, seeing you react so badly to what I thought of Dany. I walk down the stairs laughing and out the back door towards the pool. I run and jump in, the cold water hitting my skin, instantly cooling my skin and refreshing me, the cold water loosens my tense muscles, My hair falls into my eyes, I push it back. The water has never felt as good as it did that day. You took so long to get out to the pool, it felt like hours till you actually appeared, I was floating on my back when I saw you looking down at me with a towel covering you.  
"Took you long enough, I really hope you didn't try on a thousand bikini's wondering what one matches you and the pool like Sansa does." I say looking up at you, you glare at me and raise your middle finger. You drop the towel and my eyes widen. You were showing off more skin than you ever had, you were wearing a black bikini and you've never worn a bikini when it comes to swimming. I quickly turn off my back so my feet are touching the bottom and I can see you more clearly and fully. I saw the slight curve of your hips, the swell of your breasts against the bikini top, your toned legs that didnt seem to end. Your pale skin illuminated with the the contrast of the bikini. "So um are you coming in or are you just gonna stand there?" I say flustered. You turn around from where you dropped your towel your arms crossed against your chest as you walk a few steps back, giving me a full view of your ass. I can't help but go red staring at you in this way you would kill me if you ever knew. I try to look away but I can't. You turn around and run towards the pool jumping in, you sink to the bottom and come back up laughing, your hair sticking all over face, you smile at me and I grab you lifting you out of the water up in the air and throwing you back in the water, you come back up spluttering water and coughing. "Asshole!" you manage to cough and hit me in the shoulder, I splash you and you splash me back. Soon it's a big fight of splashing, dunking and you trying to kick and hit me. You try to swim away from you splash me and I grab your foot pulling you towards me and you hook your legs around my waist, the water supporting your weight. I had no idea what you were doing, this was the closest you have been to me, your legs tighten around my waist, my breathing hitched and my heart was beating so fast, I couldn't look you in the eyes instead looking at the water, you put one hand on my shoulder and the other moved my hair out of my eyes. Somehow my hands found your hips and placed them there, I looked up at you, your head tilted to the left,your hair slicked to your skin, your eyes so wide and bright with a hint of a smile tugging at your lips. "You're eyes are really blue, they're pretty." you say looking at me straight in the eyes, you were so close if you one of use moved our heads a inch our foreheads would be touching. "That's because they are b-blue." I manage to stutter out, I wonder if you noticed that my hands were shaking. You being so close to me was making me nervous and making my legs turn into jelly. You smiled and looked down and then suddenly water went up nose and my hands let go of your hips, your legs unhooked from my waist and swiftly kicked me lightly in the stomach. I heard you laughing and splashing me once more before climbing out of the pool grabbing your towel and running towards the house. I was still in the water, smiling at what had just happened and thinking how unbelievable you were, before climbing out of the pool and chasing after you.

 

It was the night of the ball, I was waiting for you at the staircase waiting for you to come down. This was when your parents and Robb was still alive and Sansa was still dating Joffrey. Two days before you had come towards me like a hurricane, standing next to me at my locker as I pulled the books out that I needed for my next class  
"The ball is in two days." you say pushing your hair out of your face.  
I glance at you, "So?"  
"I need you to be my date." she says slowly.  
"Arya, I wasn't planning on going and neither were you, you said so last week."  
"Parents are making me please Gendry this is the only time I've ever asked you for anything and I don't want to tag along with Sansa and Satan." you begged  
"What about that time you asked to borrow my car, or to loan you cash, pick you up, buy alcohol, ask to sneak into places with you" I explain  
"Okay I ask for a lot, I will get on my knees and beg Gendry, I will give you money to rent out a suit and you can just pick us up in your car please, please, please."  
Before I knew it you were on both knees in front of me with your hands clasped together "Please oh please Gendry you handsome and strong boy will you please be my date to the ball I would be so honored to have you by my side and I will do anything to make it the best night of your life." you plead and beg, other students laughed and watched waiting for my answer, I looked down at you and you whisper "If you don't say yes I will kick you in the genital area so hard that you will be wishing for the Strangers kiss." I can't help but laugh.  
"I would be honored M'lady." I laugh grabbing your hand and pulling you up, you brush the dirt off your jeans. "You don't need to give me money for a suit I have an old one at home."  
"Great, fabulous, how good. Anyway I have to run, I'll see you at lunch and come to mine at 6.30, goodbye ball date." you say madly rushing off.

I walked up to your house and straightened my jacket and knocked on the front door, this would be the first time meeting your parents. Your Mother opened up the door, her eyes widen as if she saw a ghost but then quickly blinked and composed herself and smiled "You must be Gendry." she says kindly.  
"Yes, and you must be Mrs. Stark. I say offering my hand to shake.  
She laughs and takes my hand and shakes it "Yes but please don't call me Mrs.Stark it's makes me feel old, call me Catelyn and do come in." she says moving out of the doorway so I could come in, she looks like a older Sansa with the auburn hair. She tells me she's just going to grab something and steps into the kitchen.  
I step inside and see Joffrey smirking at me beside the staircase and looking me up and down "Why hello Gendry, I can't quite believe that you of all people would come to a ball, I didn't quite think your kind of people could afford." he says with faked innocence and surprise.  
I breathe in deeply, and reply coolly "You'll be surprised at what my kind of people do Lannister." he laughs and puts a hand to his chest  
"Oh I didn't mean to offend I was just merely surprised that's all." he says smirking, happy to see that he offended me. I ignore him, then I see Catelyn and your father coming towards us, his eyes widening when he sees me, Catelyn glances up at him and whispers something in his ear. Your father was the most intimidating man I have ever seen "You must be Gendry Waters, I'm Eddard Stark, Arya's father." he says putting out his hand, I grab his hand and shake it  
"Pleasure meeting you, yes I'm Gendry and Arya's friend." Did I really just say 'Arya's friend' I mentally hit myself for sounding stupid. He laughs his cold eyes don;t seem as cold when he laughs "I see, tell me Gendry, if you're Arya's good friend how come you have never visited here before?" he asks. Seven bloody hells, what do I tell him that me and Arya only ever hang out here when there's no one home.  
"Me and Arya usually just hang out at school and she usually just invites herself around to mine with no invitation." I say awkwardly fidgeting with sleeve of my jacket.  
"Ah that sounds like Arya, how did you too met and who's your mother and father?" he questions looking down at me, is this 20 fucking questions?  
"I was Jon's friend first and that's how I met Arya first." When I said Jon's name your mother frowned. "And I never knew my father he left before i was born and my mother died when I was younger." I say looking at the ground.  
"Oh that's sad to hear I'm sorry and-Oh look I think I hear the girls coming down now, Rickon, Bran come here!" Catelyn yelled. I see two tall auburn haired boys come to the stairs both tall and lanky.  
Sansa comes down the stairs first, in a tight black long dress, her hair curled and put the side. Joffrey smirks and looks her up and down possessively "Now don't you just look beautiful." he says taking her in his arms and planting a kiss on her mouth, she blushes and tells him he looks handsome. Then you came down the stairs in a short grey sleeveless dress that had a high neck, your lips were painted red and your eyes wide and dark, your hair was pined into a low bun with stray curled bits hanging around your face, you had black high heels on that made your legs looked like they went on forever. You looked dazzling, beautiful, lovely, striking, magnificent you looked all these words yet they don't seem to compare to your beauty. You caught me staring "What. I know I look stupid in this stupid dress. Stop staring at me!" you looked down at the ground as you said it, you were uncomfortable with everyone staring at you, even Joffrey was looking at you greedily.  
"No you look like a girl, a really pretty one" I said, your mother and father looked at me and smiled and I went red mentally hitting myself again for saying something so stupid out of all the thing I could of told you, I told you that you looked like a girl.  
You lifted your head up from the ground with red cheeks and a slight smile "You don't look too bad yourself." you said quietly.  
Your parents took thousands of photos of everyone and when it came to leave we were out the door heading towards my car when we both heard a voice "You know Arya, I see that you and Gendry don't have a limo or anything and we wouldn't mind if you two came with us so you don't humiliate yourself in that piece of shit that you call a car Gendry., we wouldn't mind would we Sansa?" Joffrey says faked with kindness.  
"Joff" Sansa murmurers and on a hand on his chest he pulls her hand away and glares at her for not joining in on the joke. Before I can say something someone else beats me to it.  
"Go fuck yourself you inbred fuck." you says sweetly before turning on her heel and walking to my car, I can't help but smile. Joffrey was fuming yelling at you and me but you just raise your middle finger as you walk. We jump into my car and head towards where the ball is being held. The ride there is silent, "Do you want to go?" you ask.  
"Not really."  
"Fuck it. Stop at the next shop."  
"Wait so we're not going anymore?"  
"No we're not, I know somewhere else we can go."  
I pulled up at the next shop and you jump out of the car "Want anything?" you ask.  
"Coke and Red Vines." I say.  
You must of looked absolutely ridiculous all dolled up in a convenience store grabbing cans of coke and red vines. You come back and tell the directions of where to go, we pull up into an old car park. You get out of the car and climb up on the roof of the car, I do the same. It was a cold night last night, but you didnt seem cold as well. "Why didn't you want to go the ball?" I ask you, you were looking out into the distance as if you were trying to see something.  
"I didn't want people staring at me." you said not looking at me and opening your can of coke and sticking a red vine in it. Your answer surprised me, I thought it would be because you thought school dances were overrated and stupid.  
"Why didn't you want them staring?" I ask curiously, you took a sip of your coke.  
"Because, I'm Arya Horseface that's how they know me. Precious Princess Sansa's younger ugly sister. That's how they see me, it's how my parents see me too, tonight they saw that I could be pretty if I tried and the staring of them looking at me as if they couldn't believe it was me. I know my parents and everyone else favors Sansa over me and I understand why as well. So if the school saw me like this they would treat me differently all because I look different and it's fucking stupid." you say sadly, I never felt more mad than I did in that moment.  
"You're stupid you know Arya, so stupid. You don't seem to realize how fucking beautiful and lovely you are without all that make up. Your parents don't favor Sansa over you they love you equally. You don't seem to notice even at school boys look at you with longing eyes and girls are jealous of you and you're so fucking stupid for not knowing!" I say almost shouting at you. You look at me out the corner of your eyes.  
"You really think that of me?" you say softly almost scared as if you're waiting for me to tell you that what I just said was a joke. I turn to you and make you look at me.  
"Always."  
You turn back round so you're looking at the distance and so do I, wondering why I didn't just say I loved you in that moment it was the perfect moment.We look up to the sky and your head falls on the crook of my neck and shoulder and you grab my hand lacing my fingers with yours.  
"Thank you" you whisper and you slowly fall asleep. That's when I realized I was in deep.

 

Your parents and Robb had died, when you found out you didn't cry, you didn't whimper. You were the rock for your sister and brothers, the ones they could lean on. Soon you became a stone. You never talked about their death, people looked at you at school with pity. You lost yourself. Your brothers and sister soon began to get over it, but since you never grieved or accepted it their death you built this wall around you. You had no heart, you were lost. You started skipping school, getting drunk every night,fucking boys who barely knew your name. Sansa, Bran and Rickon were worried, I was worried but you told us never to worry. We would go to parties and you would be drunk or high with this look on your face as if you weren't even there, I would watch you go up those stairs with a boy you just met and you'd come down awhile later all ruffled and messy with swollen lips and love bites but you still looked as if you weren't there. One day when everyone was away from the house and it was just you and me. You were getting something out of the cupboard and something inside of you snapped and you dropped a mug and then another and then you began throwing them at walls smashing everything screaming and crying, I grabbed you and tried to get you to stop but you slapped me and pushed me away grabbing more plates and smashing them, you smashed everything in the kitchen and you hit me whenever I came near you. Once after everything you could smash was smashed you looked around the kitchen and you looked at me and I came towards you and you grabbed me and cried and sunk to the floor taking me with you, I held you as you cried and cried.  
"I can't feel anything, they're gone and there's this hole where my heart use to be and I'm so empty Gendry, I can't do this, I can't I can't." you sobbed, I moved you into my lap as you clutched at my shirt sobbing leaving it wet I held you and stroked your hair.  
"I'm here, I'm here, I'll be here till the end till you're whole again." I told you.  
"Always?" you sobbed looking at me with you grey eyes with you tear soaked face, even then you were still beautiful.  
"Always." I promised you.  
You held onto me so tight as if you were scared I'd disappear.

 

These are the memories that I can't forget.

I kept my promise.

Happy birthday.

-Yours always, Gendry.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S THE LAST LETTER I AM SORRY I AM SO SORRY 7TH LETTER

Dear Arya

This is the final letter I'm ever going to write to you, this is the big fuck you letter. I am done wasting my time writing to you, I am done with everything I have felt, I am done waiting for you, I am done with you in general, I am so fucking done. This letter may sound a little aggressive but I don't fucking give a shit. Last night I realized something that I should of realized a long time ago, I've wasted 3 years waiting for you to come back, 3 years with my life on hold waiting for you, 2 years with me being celibate, I've wasted 250 text messages to you within the past 3 years, 134 voice mails I've left to you on your phone, I wasted 4 years being in love with you. All those years I'm never going to get back. The worst years of my life. I hate you so fucking much and I can say that without feeling bad at all. From now on I'm not giving a fuck, I'm going to live, i'm going to do whatever I want without moping over you, I'm going to fuck whoever I want without wishing it was you. I'm going to fall in love with someone and not wish it was you and not having you worm your way back into my mind, SO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I DON'T GIVE TWO FUCKING SHITS ANYMORE. 

I'm making a name for myself and actually starting to go somewhere in life, I might not work in Tobho Mott's for the rest of my life, I might be doing something that I've grown to love, isn't that surprising? Gendry Waters the high school drop out, barely making a living, living in a shitty ass house with no one being there for him being someone. How fucking surprising.

I think the reason why I have all this hate towards you is because I'm never going to love someone as much as I love you but I'm over it, I've accepted the fact that I'm never going to be over you or stop being in love with you but I'm moving on and getting over it and not waiting for you anymore. After all these years when I hear the phone ring I to race to it thinking it could be you, stupid isn't it? Stupid that I think that you, Arya fucking Stark might be ringing me and explaining to me everything, but that's a little too much to hope. But I'm not going to do that anymore.

I called you in a payphone a couple of months ago and a guy picked up and there was music lightly playing in the background, his voice was husky and deep he answered a hello and suddenly I couldn't speak he repeated hello again, I prayed that your phone had gotten stolen and this was some stranger and then I heard your voice, I heard your fucking voice "Babe who's on the phone", the man said hello one more time and I found my voice "Tell Arya that her friend Gendry says hello" and I hung up and left the phone hanging. That night I burned everything you left at my house, everything that you got me, photos of us that I still kept in a box under my bed and I burned the pack of cigarettes that you kept at my house. I put it all in the trash can and lit it up, lighting up one of your cigarettes that I took out of the pack as I watched it all burn. It was this satisfying feeling watching every little item burn and swirl in the air it was as if you were leaving. Because that was the final fucking straw hearing your voice.

I wonder if you ever felt anything when your 'friend' told you my small message to pass to you. I want to know what your reaction was, seeing your eyes widen as he says my name as you remember memories. 

Did you ever think of me, or wonder how I was doing throughout these past three years? On my birthday I always thought that maybe you might call, or write or text saying something. But you never did, you were like my father, not acknowledging me but knowing I exist, it always hurt. 

Before I end this final letter I have two more things to say.

First of all, I think you're the most selfish person I've ever met, I use to think the world of you. But you left, you left me, your friends and family who needed you, you didn't grace them with a phone call or a message and they're your fucking family, you're a fucking coward who ran away from nothing, you were fine before sleeping with me and then you left you fucking coward and one day I hope you fall in love and they leave and you wonder what you did wrong to make this happen, I want you to feel how I did, I want you to know how much it fucking hurts to fall in love and being left with nothing and knowing that the person doesn't love you back no matter how much love you put in to them.

Secondly, I think now if you ever turned up on my doorstep I'd slam the fucking door in your face and leave you standing there.

-Gendry


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to leave this new chapter for like a month to make you all think that it was over and then come back like 'Surprise bitches bet you thought you seen the last of me' but I can't because I just wanted to post this and did you all really think that was the end? So surprise early chapter (;

Dear Gendry

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

That's all I can say, I can't think of anything else. I can't think straight, everything's a mess, a blur. I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up this morning and cried more, I can't stop crying, my eyes are red and swollen and I curled up in my blanket in the corner clutching it as if it was a life preserver. This is the first time I've cried since that day I left. My breathing keeps hitching and I forget how to breathe and it's coming off in gasps, I feel like I'm about to vomit. The wall I've built around me is crumbling down, there's been a chink in the armor and it feels like I'm being stabbed with a Valaryian blade a hundred times over and over never stopping. Fuck. I should probably tell you how I've come to writing this letter, I owe you an explanation. 

Yesterday I was walking through the streets, I had an hour before work started to teach water dancing to my class, I was window shopping and I came to this bookstore and looked at pile of books that was in the window display for the book of the week, it was a a plain white book with black lettering called 'The Bull and The Wolf.' The title of the book made me think of you, and I glanced at the who the author's name was not taking it in and started walking again and then the name sunk in, I stopped in the middle of the streets, 'By Gendry Waters' it said, 'By Gendry Waters' my throat tightened and I ran back to the bookstore and went in, and went behind the window display and snatched the book and read the back of it.

"A wolf and a bull could never be friends, but if they were never meant to be friends how the hell did one fall in love with the other.  
They were never meant to be friends, he was never meant to fall in love with her. George was a stubborn boy who had nothing, Annabelle was a stubborn girl who had everything. Annabelle was wild and unpredictable, George was quite and cautious. What happens when two completely different people fall upon one another?   
If you think this is a love story where everything works out, I'd advise you to put the book down.''

I use to call you a stupid bull, and you use to compare to a wolf, in that bookstore everything started crumbling, I didn't want to think you wrote a book about us, I didn't want that you wrote a book about me. I tried to convince myself that this Annabelle was just a fictional character who didn't resemble me. I took several deep breaths, I was going to read this book and it wasn't going to be about us because that would be stupid because you wouldn't do that because me and you was another life ago. I went to the counter and put the book down, the girl there looked at the book and smiled, "I finished that book last week, it's really good but you're going to cry and you're going to hate Annabelle." the girl laughs as she checks the book out "That'll be $29.95" I handled her the cash, my hands couldn't shaking and then as soon as I got out of that bookstore I ran, I ran all the way home. Forgetting the class I was meant to be teaching, forgetting everything.

I stayed up all night reading it so I could finish it, Annabelle left George just like I did. I tried to tell myself that Annabelle wasn't me, that this story wasn't about us. But I couldn't there were too many similarities. Annabelle's appearance was exactly like mine, and George's was exactly like yours, all the memories were ours. George Walter, Gendry Waters. Annabelle Storm, Arya Stark. You changed the names of everyone, Sansa to Sarah, Lommy to Logan. This story is like how it was 4 years ago. 

The girl who worked at the bookstore was right, I did hate Annabelle with every bone in my body.

When I came to the letters that George wrote, I broke down because you wrote those to me these letters were everything you wanted to ask me. 35 letters you wrote to me, 35 letters George wrote to Annabelle.

I hate what I've done, what I've caused, I hate myself most of all.

Annabelle died, and I feel no sorrow for her.

There were 7 letters that were important to me, they made me feel like I couldn't breathe, where I felt so much hatred at myself.

Nothing I say to you is ever going to be a worthy reason for why I left, but I'm going to say why i left anyway.

 

When I first met you, you were Jon's friend and you were nice to me even when I did attack you after you said you wouldn't play fight with me after play fighting with Jon. I was 13. Then when I started high school sitting alone you were still there and you asked if you could hang out with me. Our friendship started then, I couldn't believe you actually wanted to be my friend. No one ever wanted to be my friend, but you did. Sansa asked me when me and you were going to date and I got so confused saying that we were only friends and she laughed saying that everyone can see it. "You got mad when I said he was hot and had the best body and wouldn't mind him being my knight in shining amour. You don't want him having any other girl apart from you, you want him to be yours." I remember yelling no and storming off. When other girls at school started talking to me and trying to be friends it was only in order to get close to you, girls wanted to hang out with me so they could hang out with you. I got jealous, because you were my friend, mine. I realized Sansa was right, and then I realized I liked you. I would get jealous when you talked about how pretty some girls were and upset. Soon I became self conscious of how I looked and acted around you, I would get nervous whenever you were near. I liked you so much. 

When my parents and Robb died, you were the only one apart from my remaining family who cared. You were always there. I can never thank you enough for being my rock. 

Then I realized I fell in love with you when you held me as I cried.

I couldn't tell you how I felt, I didn't want to tell you. You need to understand everything I have ever loved has hurt me and been taken away from me. I didn't want the one thing who could fix be the one who could break me, also I was never going to be good for you.

When that night when you kissed me, everything felt right. I didn't want my lips leaving yours, I didn't want you to stop holding me. Everything you said you felt in that kiss I felt it too. I loved you so fucking much. When you caressed me, and felt and learned every inch of my body I was never happier. But after you making love to me and you whispered that you loved me. I had fireworks going off in my heart, you actually loved me and wanted me and I couldn't imagine hat happening in a million years. I opened my mouth to confess my feelings to you but I couldn't. I didn't know if you were saying that because of what just happened or if you really meant it because if you really meant and I said it back I was giving you the power to break me and I couldn't have that happening. not again. I couldn't let you have that power, I didn't want you to be able to break me and me going back to feeling dead and empty, I couldn't so I kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn't hear you. In the morning when I woke up with me curled into your chest with you holding me, I knew I had to get out of here and out of this town. I couldn't be here anymore. I couldn't look at you and not know what was going to happen. So I left a note and left. I left to Braavos. I took your tshirt as well. When I got to mine to pack all my belongings up and as I came down the stairs, I saw Rickon and he was up and looking at me and asked me where I was going. "I'm leaving." I told him, "What? Where to and when will you be back, why are you leaving?" he asked, "I can't stay here any longer, I won't be back for awhile, I'll call soon, please don't tell Sansa." by this point I was already crying "Arya why-" Rickon had started coming towards me and I cried please, he looked at me with sad eyes and let me walk out of the door. I cried on my way to the airport when I arrived I vowed I'd cry no longer and I didn't till now.

I made a selfish decision for a stupid reason, I can never take it back but if I could by Gods I would.

For that first year in Braavos I drowned myself in alcohol and fucked every man that came my way trying to forget, to forget you. I wanted to forget who I was.  
Each man I fucked I pretended it was you, I thought of you wishing them to be you.   
Soon I stopped I didn't touch a man for 2 years then I found someone I tried to love them I really did but I couldn't.   
When you called that day and they said your message that you left, I dropped the plate I was drying and just stood there looking and the shards of glass, the mess and the brokenness. I went to my room and grabbed the shirt that I stole from your house and clutched at it, they tried to speak to me asking me if I was okay, I told them to leave and get out, when they left I took off my clothes and put on your shirt and crawled into bed and thought of you.

Each text message I got from you from the last four years, I wrote down in a journal with the time and date with the message and then deleted the text on my phone, I still have all your voice messages and I listen to them still, hearing your voice was like being at home.

I kept in contact with Sansa, I called her twice a month. I told her not to tell you I was contacting her. 

I wanted to come back, I was going to but I couldn't, I couldn't face the shame and the pain and seeing you knowing what I caused.

I'm selfish, so selfish and stupid, I thought of you everyday thinking of what I left behind and what could of been.

In your letters you always ended it with 'Always yours' and in the last one you didn't because you're not mine anymore.

I still love you and I always will so I'm coming home and I don't care if you don't love me because I'll wait, you can slam the door in my face but I'll wait then I'll come back the next day and you can slam the fucking door in my face again. I'm going to wait, because you waited for me and I don't care if I have to wait forever because I will.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING SPENT A WHOLE AFTERNOON WRITING THIS FINAL FUCKING CHAPTER AND ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT WHEN I WAS ALMOST DONE I AM BEYOND FUCKING PISSED BECAUSE I HAVE TO START AGAIN AND I DIDN'T SAVE IT FUCK MY LIFE BUT I'M GONNA RE DO IT NOW AND JUST FUCK AH
> 
> so excuse my outburst of anger 
> 
> This is the final chapter of 7 Important Letters Out Of 35, and I want to thank every single one of you for reading, giving kudos, commenting and putting up with this story it means a lot. Hopefully you will be happy with this chapter and I 'm starting a new fanfic in a couple of weeks so keep a look out, goodbye (':

Dear Arya

I know I said that there would be no more letters after the last one I wrote but I needed to write this and this will be the final letter written, forever. Right now you're with me, in my bed asleep after 7 years, your bare back facing the ceiling, your head sprawled on the pillow, hair in your face with your arm thrown over my stomach. You look so much more younger when you're asleep and peaceful, when you're a wake you're a mess, my mess, my beautiful mess. I shouldn't call you mine yet since we don't know what's going to happen when you're awake. There's two reasons why I'm still awake, 1 is because I don't want to sleep because I want to savor this moment as much as I can before it ends and 2 is because in all honesty I'm scared. I'm scared that if I fall asleep that I'll wake in the morning to find a note on my pillow and you gone. You told me that you wouldn't leave again and I believe you but you never know, you really don't. I don't know what will happen when you wake up and we decide from what happens from here.

I'm going to explain everything that has happened and tell you what I think you should know from when the book got started till what happened tonight.

When I wrote the book, originally it wasn't meant to be based about us, but I didn't feel inspiration towards anything else, writing about you was easy because you were not like any other girl, you weren't like them but I know if I told you this you would ask "what's wrong with other girls" and the only answer I would have is because they're not you, nobody is like you. You were the girl who ripped my heart out, the book was written about a mess of all the feelings lust, love, hatred, bitterness. The book was always written and worked on in the early hours of the mornings where I couldn't sleep fueled by hatred and longing. After I finished I felt like the strings that were holding me to you were snapped and suddenly it was easier to breathe, the air was cleaner and everything was bright and no longer dull. When the book was published, I never thought people would actually like it, but they did. I became a success, a somebody and people being proud of me was one of the best feelings I ever felt. For the first couple of months I was the happiest I had ever been, I enjoyed everything, you didn't cross my mind once I was so occupied, people wanted to talk to me and get to know me. But after those months it got harder to breathe again, the air wasn't as clean and everything was so dull and dark again, people still want to talk to me but I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know why I was falling into this again, I didn't want to think it was because of you again because I've been okay for a year now, I didn't have hatred or loving feelings towards you anymore, when I thought of you it was just this nostalgic feeling, yearning for the past. 

When people asked me about my book they always ask if Annabelle was inspired by a real person and when I said that the character Annabelle was a girl who I use to know, you. They asked me if I had wrote those letters to the girl who was Annabelle and to say who Annabelle really was. They would ask me why Annabelle was such a bitch, nasty, cruel and selfish character, they would tell me how much they hated her and they were glad she died and how George was such a perfect character. It made me mad, so fucking mad they didn't know how it was for you. I would just explain that Annabelle had faults just like everyone else and George wasn't a perfect character he had faults too, they were messes both of them, we were both a mess.

Your letter arrived 6 months after my book was published, I didn't open it for 3 months. When it arrived the armor I wore around me broke when I saw your handwriting on the envelope of that letter. After all these years I still remember your handwriting, my hands shook as I saw it. I didn't want to open it, I couldn't. Because if I opened it there could be anything in there, I didn't want you to be coming in my life, I didn't want you in my life. So I put it in the draw where I couldn't see, because if I kept looking at it I would open it and if I opened it I would read it then I would feel sick and feel more broken than I already felt. 

You arrived 2 weeks after your letter, standing on my doorstep.

By then I had pushed the thought of your letter and you out of my head so when I opened the door to find you standing on my doorstep, my heart was in my throat and it felt like I was in a trance, I didn't want to believe what I was seeing, I wanted this to be a dream, you couldn't be here, this couldn't be real. But there you were, your hair pulled back into a pony tail, showing off every detail of your face that I had once memorized. You hadn't changed from when I last saw you, apart from your skin being a bit darker and the silver ring in your nose, you looked like you were still 17 not 21. Neither of us spoke we just looked at each other, you weren't wearing shoes, you were in black short shorts showing off your legs, you were wearing my shirt, my t shirt that had been missing for 4 fucking years. "Hi Gendry." you said softly your eyes wide and happy, the corner of your lips turned upwards. My name rolling off your tongue made me weak in the knees but it's what snapped me out of the trance you put me by just showing up. I opened my mouth but no words came out, I couldn't speak, I forgot how to speak. You looked at me waiting for me to say something. I shut my mouth "Gendr-" you started but I slammed the door in your face. I sunk to the floor leaning against the door. You couldn't be here, why were you here was all I was thinking. "Gendry" you called again, I didn't want to hear your voice. "Gendry please let me explain." you begged. I looked at the wall, this wasn't real it was all just a dream. I felt the mail slot press against my back trying to open, I moved away from it and turned to face it, your fingers came through the slot holding it up and I saw your eyes wide and grey framed with their thick lashes looking sad I didn't stop staring at your eyes that I hadn't seen for 4 years "Please open the door or say something." you begged again, I stood up and opened the door to see you sitting kneeling on the concrete looking up at me surprised that I opened the door "Gendr-" you tried to say again before I interrupted "No, dont you Gendry me, dont you fucking dare." I thundered "Look I can explain." you began "You can explain? You can explain why you left? You can explain how you just left and didn't care? Go on explain, explain how you didn't mean to hurt me, go on, go fucking explain." I demanded, all I can feel is the anger I kept in, I watched as you looked at the ground like a child being scolded "If you read my letter you would know why I don't know how to say why I left, I never meant to hurt you, you need to know that." you cried your eyes going glassy, your false tears I thought they were, they were never going to sway me. "Oh a letter is just going to answer everything I've wanted to know for the past 4 years? Because a letter is going to make everything better and how you never meant to 'hurt me' is also going to make everything better." I yelled "Well you should know since you're a expert on letters you, oh and thanks for writing a book about me and everything that has happened thanks for the invasion of privacy!" you yelled back, "Are you seriously making this all to be my fault, you fucked up." you groaned "I know I fucked can we please just try to sort all of this out?" you beg "No, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to have anything to do with you!" I snapped "Well too fucking bad, you're going to have something to do with me, I'm coming back tomorrow." you yelled "Well it looks like you're going to have the door slammed in your face again" I stated glaring at you. "I'll look forward to it." you smiled at me sweetly "You're usually very quick to leave, this is probably the longest you've actually stayed with me wow." I said sarcastically, you scowled at me "Asshole" I heard you mutter as you walked off. 

When you were out of sight I shut the door and paced up and down the house, not being able to sit still. This seriously couldn't be happening. You back for however long. I didn't know whether I meant those things I said, I don't know what to feel. You read the book, you read that fucking book. Never in a million years did I think you would actually find it let alone read it and put together the pieces. I suddenly felt sick, you knew I killed you off in the book, I hoped you didn't think that I wanted you dead in real life. My life was once again going to be hell know that you were back.

You stuck to your word about coming back the next day, and like I said I slammed the door in your face. You came back everyday for the past 2 months at different times. When I didn't answer the door, the knocking would stop then I'd open the door to make sure you were gone only to find you sitting on the doorsteps waiting. The next month you'd come and sometimes you wouldn't making me think that you had stopped coming but then you would be back again. It frustrated me to the point where I wanted to tear my hair out. Then you stopped knocking all together.

I read your letter and I felt sick.  
I buried myself in work and writing for months not wanting to think about you and that letter.

One day Hot Pie and Lommy invited me over I asked if it was just going to be me and them and they said it was just going to be the lads. When I arrived they were shifty and nervous looking at the door every 5 seconds. Then someone was knocking on the door "Lommy are we expecting anyone??" Hot Pie answers in an extremely high voice, Lommy hands go to his face to frame it "Oh I don't know I wonder whoever could it be?" They set me, they fucking set me up. Lommy goes to answer the door and swings open the door to reveal you in your dads old cargo green army jacket, your eyes widened as they saw me "Oh Arya, such a surprise, who knew you would show up, isn't this a surprise!!!" Lommy exclaims I groan, you glared at Lommy and punched him in the arm "Ow! What was that for?" Lommy says in pain rubbing his arm, you rolled your eyes. They invited us around telling both of us the other wasn't going to be here. You walked in "Hi Gendry, hey Hot Pie." you said flopping down on the bean bag. "Arya." I said, acknowledging you but not looking at you. "Hey Arya, Lommy can you come to the kitchen with me?" Hot Pie says grinning, "Why do you both need to go to the kitchen?" you asked "Um because there's something I need help with in there." he says quickly "I could help if you want" you begin to say "No it's heavy." Hot Pie answered. By this point I'm getting confused, you're stronger than Hot Pie? "Well if it's heavy I can help." I offer. "No Lommy's helping me." "Well what are you getting?" "Ah um hm object." "What is it?" "An object." "Let me help for gods sake." I say getting up "SIT DOWN SIT THE FUCK DOWN. LOMMY'S HELPING ME, HURRY UP LOMMY!" Hot Pie shouted storming off to the kitchen with Lommy on his heels. We both looked at each in confusion. You opened your mouth until we hear Hot Pie and Lommy practically whisper shouting "You don't think they knew we invited them both around on purpose do you?" "No of course not they're both stupid." Hot Pie assured him you raised your eyebrows in amusement "That's true, I just wish Gendry would talk to her and forgive her I'm done with this awkwardness." Lommy sighs "I hear you man, by the way you're acting skills are the shit they were so good." Hot Pie compliments, I struggle to not to laugh and I hear you snort. "Really? You actually think so? I was trying to act surprised but not too surprised that I wasn't believable you know?" he explains to Hot Pie "Wow I totally didn't know he was acting." you mutter sarcastically, I stifle a laugh. "You got the right amount of surprised, you are this generations Leonardo Da Vinci." Hot Pie exclaims "Isn't he a painter?" Lommy asked in confusion, this time you burst out laughing at our friends stupidity then covering it up by pretending you had a coughing fit, I couldn't help but smile at you as you laughed/coughed. "Do you two need any help, you've taken an awfully long time?" you ask after you finished laughing "Um no turns out we don't need the thing.. Do you two want anything?" Hot Pie yells, "A beer!" I yell back "It's 10 in the morning Gendry?!" "Well today is obviously going to be a long day." I say. "Hahahaha alright." Hot Pie says "You don't think he heard us talking about them do you?" I hear Hot Pie say nervously "No Gendry's deaf and stupid." Lommy assures. Are you serious I thought. I'm deaf and stupid but I could still kick his ass. Once again you burst out laughing, I glared at you and laughed chucking a pillow in your face and you smiled.

They tried to pair us together so many that it was ridiculous.

Two years you had been home, we were friends but not really. You always called, texted and came over. Sometimes we didn't know what to do and it was awkward. I didn't know how to act around you, sometimes we ended up in a full out shouting match, sometimes we were how we use to be. Whenever you tried to talk about you leaving and explain I wouldn't let you, I never told you I read your letter. I ended up dating someone for awhile a girl who looked so much like you and I shoved it in your face knowing how you felt about me. Wanting to hurt you like you hurt me. I wanted to see some type of sadness in your face, jealously but I saw nothing except for happiness for me. I talked about her to you I even told you that I loved her wanting to see your reaction to see your face drop. But it didn't happen after awhile I broke up with her, feeling stupid as I tried to make you jealous, I was acting like a stupid teenager.

Then one night I got really drunk, really really drunk actually. Hot Pie and Lommy threw a party and I saw you leaning up against the wall in the hallway in your little black dress sipping a bottle of bear as you swayed to the music.. I was drunk and mad, mad at everything mad at how weak you made, how you made me sad, insane, happy. You were this light in my life and I didn't want you to be the light because you have are insane and I didn't know how I felt towards you. I mean I always thought of you, you made me happy, really happy actually, I like spending time with you, you're lovely, extremely violent but lovely. But then again you ruined my life and made me want to die. I still fucking loved you after everything that happened. I marched up to you stumbling as I walked, everything was spinning and I couldn't think straight everything revolved around you and a lot of vodka that night in my mind."You!" I slurred pointing at you "Yes me?" you asked confused "You, you have ruined my life do you know that?" I say leaning into the wall facing you smiling as I said, your eyebrows furrowed "Really?" you asked "I mean I wrote a fucking book about you and how much of a bitch you were so I guess you did." I marveled at the thought. I see you take a mouthful of your beer and swallow not answering "Arya," I said taking a lock of her hair and twirling it around my finger "Do you love me?" I see you choke on your mouthful of beer "W-what?" you stutter" I lean in close to your ear "Do you love me, are you in love with me Arya Stark?" I whisper, I move my head so my forehead touches hers and out lips are inches apart, you look at my lips and then look into my eyes "Yes, I'm in love with you really really insanely in love with you." you whisper "Do you still love me?" you asked. I thought you were lying nothing was making sense, I shouldn't be asking these questions, neither should you. I wanted to hurt you and lie to you just like you did to me. I move my mouth to your ear "No." I whisper "and I never will." I pull my head away so I can look at you, your eyes drop to your shoes and you look back up your eyes glassy, tears spilling down you cheeks, you push me away. I couldn't believe what I just said, I was the cause for all these tears that you were crying, it felt like I was being stabbed that's how much it hurt me knowing that I hurt you. "Arya-" I began to say but instead of saying I'm sorry I spilled the contents of my stomach on the carpet and on your shoes instead. I woke up the next morning with a pounding head, in Hot Pie's bed with a bucket, a glass of water and aspirin on the table beside the bed. I couldn't remember what had happened last night, I sat up and saw you sprawled on the floor with a blanket covering you fast asleep, I couldn't help but smile. Your hair was all in your face, I lent down and moved your hair out of your hair then everything that was said last night came back to me, I felt sick again. Sick that I said that. I didn't want to stay to see you wake up and look at me knowing what was said. I left before you woke and the next day we pretended we didn't know what was said last night.

The next year we were back to Arya and Gendry, how we use to be. Since that night we pretended that there was never nothing between us. 

Last night was Sansa's and Podrick's wedding party, it was 1 in the morning and we were walking back to mine "Do you ever wonder what Hot Pie's real name is?" you ask I looked at you laughing "Not exactly why?" I ask "I bet you it's something like Eugene or Pubert." you say laughing, I didn't know whether you were drunk or just asking a serious question. "Or his initials are HP, Harry Potter. What if he's Harry Potter, the chosen one." you say giggling "Are you giggling? Someone's had a bit too much." I say grabbing you, you screamed laughing saying "Put me down! Put me down!" I put down, you pulled the fingers at me sticking out your tongue. We continued walking but in silence, comfortable with it. I looked at you, your hair curled to your waist in a black silk tshirt dress, your heels in one hand, a bottle of champagne in the other, walking barefooted, humming 'R U MINE' by the Arctic Monkeys you were a beautiful tipsy mess. Suddenly you stopped walking "Are you coming Arya?" I asked wondering why you stopped walking, you beckoned me with your finger I came towards you and you grabbed my hands entwining them with yours "I love you." you said. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to believe it. "Arya no." I said sadly shaking my head trying to pull my hands out of yours but she held onto them "I love you." you said again, I pulled my hands out of yours "No you don't." I told you, you didn't love me, we didn't work. "I love you." you said again firmly grabbing my face this time standing on your tip toes, "Stop it." I say stepping away so you're by yourself, alone. You throw your shoes on the ground "Why are you so scared?!" you shout "I'm not scared." I told you trying to be firm and to stop my voice from breaking "You are! You're scared!" I walk to you again "You want to know why I'm scared? Because you'll end up leaving again just like you did before and I can't have that happen again, I can't go through that again!" I yell at you, you laughed but it sounded like you might of been crying "You're never going to forgive me for that are you? I've tried and tried to explain. I couldn't handle it! I was scared!"oh that was such a good excuse I thought bitterly "You think you're the only one who was scared? I was scared shitless Arya but I knew I wanted you I wanted you so damn much and you left!" I yelled back at you. You threw your arms in the air "It wasn't a good time, I had everything taken away from, I was left with nothing Gendry." Suddenly I was mad, you were selfish you didn't understand they you still had everything. I grabbed your arm "I've never had anything in my life, everyone has left me I've always been alone, you were the first thing in my life that stayed and I thought you would always stay and you left. You left like everyone else, you were the only good thing in my life. You made everything okay. You think you had nothing anymore? You still had your family, I've never had that. So stop being so damn selfish." I said not breaking eye contact with you. Your eyes welled with tears and you ripped your arm from my grasp and ran. You were running again, I ran after you and grabbed you and made you look at me "Look at you! Stop running, you say I'm scared? But look at you." you struggle in my grip around then going limp and sobbing, "I'm sorry, my apologies are never going to be enough. I'm not good for you I'm sorry for everything I've done and I know I may not ever make anything right between us again but I need you to know that if I could take it all back I would, I would never leave, I would love you every single day of your life, I will be there, I would make sure you're always happy, I would try to never make you sad, I would never leave, ever and I love you so damn much please you need to know that." you sobbed, you were crying still when I kissed you, I kissed you again and again. "I love you, I love you." I whispered.

Now I'm waiting for you to wake and to kiss your forehead and to tell you I forgive you.

I love you so much, I need you to know that and I will love you till my last breath.

I am yours, forever.


End file.
